


Colt's Adventures of Questionable Authenticity

by AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Babysitting, Confessions, Dorks, Fingering, First Date, Fluff, Fucking, Graffiti, Jade Doesn't Know SHIT about social cues, M/M, OCs - Freeform, Original stuff, Pining, Thievery, Tricksters, dumbassery, homestuck epilogue, mini golf, sore losers, spray paint, they're 16, they're GAYY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild/pseuds/AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild
Summary: Hi! The new Homestuck Epilogue sucked, so this is my attempt at a way better one. Have fun!





	1. A Candyman Can

Your name is COLT STRIDER. And you have been planning this for months. You are eyeing up the plans you made back in January right now. But first, you suppose you should clarify somethings, especially the whole Strider thing. Your father is DIRK STRIDER, technically, and your uncle is DAVE STRIDER, also technically. Your Dad didn’t help give birth to you, he adopted you, really. You were made through some weird science-y junk bullshit, using your father’s DNA, and green gel stuff. It's weird, but you’re used to weird here on Earth C. There are the trolls, which are cool, you even have some as cousins. The carapaces are a friendly bunch for sure, but you are most used to the consorts. After all, you do live here in the Consort Kingdom. 

 

Here it’s mostly just you, your Dad, and his friend(?) Jake. They seem to hang out a lot. Oh, and the bunches of anthropomorphic lizard creatures. None of them really say much, just little noises. It’s cute, you guess. But you’re not focusing on that, you’re focusing on your epic heist. 

 

You’re going to break into a museum to retrieve an artifact. A mystical lollipop. Wow, that sounds dumb now that you say it out loud. But still, it’s for a good reason. The reason being is that you’re a curious son of a bitch. 

 

Allegedly the sucker in question was something Jane made back in the Medium, and it did something wack. So wack that they put it in a museum in a glass case. Your friend, Josh, wants you to get it so the two of you can find out what it did. Your Dad is asleep right now, and it’s the middle of the night. You climb out your window and start making your way to the museum.

 

Luckily, it’s here in the Consort Kingdom. And it’s not too far away from your apartment either. You quickly dash on over, in the cover of darkness. Now standing in front of the massive building, you get a running start and leap into the air, your weak flying power carrying you up onto the roof. Since your father is technically a god, and you’re made with his DNA, you have some of his powers. Mainly just flight, although it’s pretty weak. Through the glass dome ceiling, you can see your target. It’s on the third floor, a single light illuminating it. However, it is behind a rope, due to its...effects.

 

According to Josh’s research, it was technically a trinket of your Unty Calliope’s, but Jane made it herself. It seemed to have some mind control like powers to it and also caused a temporary mental and physical change to those who gave it a lick. The effects could also be passed by those under its influence, like a disease. Josh wasn’t able to find out what effects exactly, but that’s why you’re stealing it now. You promise to no one in particular that you’ll return it before the museum opens tomorrow.

 

Your eyes bolt around, attempting to locate a loose panel of glass to pry open. After finding it, you open it, and carefully hover yourself inside, landing your feet quietly on to the hardwood third floor. There it is. You quickly move up to it, sliding beneath the guard rope, and lift the top of the case up. No alarms are sounded, as there are none here. Security isn’t a big thing on Earth C. You hold it in your hands, like a golf club. The actual candy part is a swirl of red and green...it is quite compelling...but you have to get it to Josh first. You exit the way you came, making it look like no one had visited at all in the night. Well, the important lollipop is missing, but eh. It’ll be back before it opens tomorrow.

 

You quickly run/hover over to Josh’s place in Can Town. Josh’s Dad is out for something, you fail to recall for what. A dinner party at the Troll Kingdom? Makes sense. As you approach the house, a can beans you in the head. You look up to see who threw it, and frown when you see Josh.

 

“Hey there, Colt. You’re right on time.”

 

“You didn’t have to throw a can to get my attention, you asshole.”

 

“Eh, it was funny!”

 

“Uh-uh. A real side-splitter.”

 

You float up to his window and climb inside. You’re greeted with the absolute pigsty that is Josh’s room. Clothes litter the floor, the trash can is overflowing, the sheets on his bed are off...you nearly puke. Why does he have to be so messy? You feel  _ so  _ compelled to drop the sucker and clean this place up right now, but there’s no time for that.

 

“I got the lollipop.”

 

“Yeah, I figured. I mean, you’re holding it right now and it’s the size of a baseball bat.”

 

“I think it’s more of a golf club.”

 

“Whatever, you got the Juju and that’s all that matters.” 

 

“Is that what this thing is called?”

 

“Yeah, or at least that’s what Calliope called it. Now...close the window, would you?”

 

“Okay. Here you go.”

 

You hand him the big candy and close the window, pulling down the blinds. It becomes nearly pitch black in there, except for Josh’s desk lamp. He sets the sucker on his bed, and sits down in the spinning chair at the messy, wrapper covered desk. 

 

“Alrighty, so, before we get to the good stuff, I’m gonna go over some interesting stuff about this thing. Have a seat.” Colt said, swiveling the chair back and forth.

 

You reluctantly sit in a bean bag chair surrounded by shirts. 

 

“So, this Juju was something my Aunt Jane made, as you know. It was only used twice to her knowledge, once back in the medium, and most recently, at your Aunt Rose and Kanaya’s wedding. Now, unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything else. Callie never told me what the effects were, and everyone else seems to dodge the question.”

 

“Spooky.”

 

“Yeah. So you’re the one who’s gonna help me find out what it does!”

 

“Great. I’m really excited.”

 

Josh gets up and picks up the swirling green and red lolly, and sits down on top of the beanbag chair you’re on. He holds the actual candy part to you, his right eyebrow slightly arched up. He stays like this for a few seconds, then angrily sighs.

 

“Strider? You gonna give it a lick?”

 

“What?”

 

“Ugh, you have to lick it to get it working, dude. I can go first if you want.” He said, jokingly holding it a few inches from his face, faking a huge lick.

 

“Alright, alright, hand it over.” You say, reaching out for it. As its put into your hands, you realize that if taken out of context, it sounds like you and Josh are doing drugs. 

 

Nervously, you bring it up to your lips. The lamplight shines through the transparent sugar, casting a red and lime green swirl upon your pale skin. You bury your fear and lick it, from the bottom of the circle to its rounded top. You jerk back a bit, the sucker is surprisingly sweet! Josh laughs and holds his hand out for the sugary treat. You hand it to him, flipping him off with his other hand. He takes it and gives it a small lick on the opposite side. He then moves it down to his sides. Silence has filled the messy room, as nothing seems to be happening yet. You pipe up to Josh.

 

“Hey, is it working?” 

 

“I don’t fucking know! Maybe we didn’t do it right?”

 

“Well, what else can we do to get it to work?”

 

“Maybe we have to do  _ more  _ than a lick?”

 

“What do you mean, more than a lick? Two licks?”   
  


“No, dumbass, I mean like...actually get it in our mouths or something...it IS a sucker. You are supposed to suck on these things.”

 

“Fine, whatever, I just want to get this over with now.” You say,   grabbing it out of Josh’s hands. 

 

You hold it so your hands are just below the actual candy, and wonder how you’re gonna fit this in your mouth...it’s just under the size of a fist. But, to hell with it. You’ll  _ make  _ it fit. You open your mouth and quickly push the pop inside, and it fits somehow perfectly. You sit there for a moment, sucking on it like a baby. Gog, this is humiliating. 

 

“Ok, maybe keep it in for like a minute?” Josh recommends.

 

You sit there, a peeved look on your face, as you sit in this filthy beanbag chair surrounded by dirty clothes with a sucker in your mouth. You feel like you’re 9 years old. But hey, at least the lolly tastes good. The first lick you took probably warmed up your tastebuds to the sugary taste. Your mind glazes over the fact that Josh just had his saliva on this thing. You turn back to look at Josh.

 

“You got like, 30 more seconds dude.”

 

Only 30 seconds? It felt longer than that. But hey, at least you have more time to taste this thing. It’s pretty good, actually. A nice cherry flavor but also a lime flavor. Your tongue absentmindedly runs along the edge of the circular disc of candy. You relax in the beanbag chair, feeling like a small weight was lifted. You don’t know what was lifted, though. You take it out of your mouth with a satisfying pop, chuckling to yourself as you hand it to Josh.

 

“Thanks. Let’s see if this does it!”

 

You watch as he slowly gets it into his mouth, just barely hitting his buckteeth. You never really noticed his buckteeth before, but something about them was quite alluring. Josh pops it out of his mouth, had it already been a minute already? He slides down the seat, sitting beside you. He smiles at you, with a new glint of...something in his eye. 

 

“Ok, so this might sound super silly, but like...we could lick it at the same time!” Josh points out. You grin as you realize you could.

 

“Yeah yeah, let’s do that!” You say, leaning closer to him to get another taste of the fantastic lollipop.

 

Josh puts the sucker right between the two of you and begins to lick his side. You do the same, eagerly tasting the sugary snack. You’re beginning to realize how genius of an idea this was. This was awesome! You stop for a moment to remove your hoodie and kick off your shoes, it’s starting to get hot in here. As you resume licking, you find yourself getting drawn back to Egbert’s cute mouth...you wonder…

You slowly begin to move your mouth to Josh’s, and luckily, he seems to be doing the same. Soon, you’re staring into each other’s eyes, and you decide now is the time to strike. You put your hands on Josh’s chubby face and kiss the fool. Your mouth is filled with both the taste of him and the sucker. Josh jumped just a bit, and then quickly melted into the bliss of the tender makeout. Josh’s hands move to your torso, as he pulls you onto his lap.

 

You giggle at the feel of his hands on your skin, but his hands don’t stop there, they make their way down to your ass, snug in your jeans. He grabs tightly suddenly, causing you to moan into his mouth. Gog, that feels  _ so good _ . You start to grind into his lap, breaking the kiss as you moan out into the air, crying Josh’s name. You  _ need  _ him. And he seems to understand.

 

He pushes you off, unbuttoning his pants and letting them drop to the floor. You notice that he’s wearing brown boxers, and grin with glee at the sight of the erection in them. Josh whips his member out and gets down onto his knees. He bends over you, kissing and biting your back as he undoes your jeans and pulls them down, revealing your small, cute pink briefs. He pulls them down, and spreads your ass apart, making you cry into the darkness of his wonderfully messy room. You hear him spit, and then feel something pushing into you.

 

Unfortunately, it’s not his dick, but it is his fingers. You buck your hips back, enjoying this brand new wonderous feeling. He soon moves from 1 to 2, and then 2 to 3. After the warm-up is done, he lubricates his member and rams into you. Tears well into the corners of your eyes, it’s so good. You begin moaning unintelligible words, the only word that can be made out being Josh’s name. He begins to thrust in and out with wild abandon, keeping one hand around your waist and the other pulling your cherry pink hair. 

 

The two of you continue to fuck, as you move your hand down to stroke your own member. Soon, Josh begins to speed up, and you instantly know what that means. You begin to push up against him like when he was fingering you, driving him wild. He pushes in one final time with great might, spilling his load into you. A few short moments later, you follow suit, shooting your mess into your hand, and then you pass out.

  
When you wake up, dawn is shining through...Josh’s window? You get up, and are horrified to see Josh’s dick! Oh, Gog, gross! What the hell happened??? You scan the messy room and spot the lollipop. So that’s what it does. You quickly pull your underwear up, and put your jeans back on, and fly out the window back to the museum. You place the sucker back in the case and head back to Josh’s house. You take a shower in his bathroom and get re-dressed. Josh wakes up and goes through the same panic you did. You explain what must’ve happened, and then sit there in awkward silence. Josh decides to break it.

 

“Well...at least it was pretty good, right?”

 

“Yeah, I guess...my ass hurts.”   
  


“Sorry dude.”

 

“No no, it’s fine. God, you reek of cum. Go take a shower!” You say, pushing him out of his bedroom. You laugh as you close the door, and float back to your place. So, that’s what that sucker does. 


	2. Isle Unto Thyself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colt reflects on what just happened.

Your name is COLT STRIDER. And you can’t keep your mind off him. That him just so happens to be your pal, Josh Egbert. It had been about 4 days since you pulled off your candy heist (flawlessly, might you add), and 4 days since...it happened. You’d rather not go into details about it, but unfortunately, it’s stuck on your mind. Like a video being forced to play over and over. 

 

You had never really thought too much about Josh, he was just a cool guy who was your friend, but he lingers in your thoughts. Perhaps the effects of the magic sucker are still lingering? You don’t know, just all of a sudden you’re feeling things for him that you’ve never felt before...this is embarrassing. You can’t even  _ say  _ his name without blushing a bit. Josh. Fuck. 

 

He’s still over at his place, and you can only wonder if he’s feeling the same as you. You hope he is. Cause he’s a cute son of a bitch. You take a moment to think of him again, for at least the 7th time today. He’s just a bit taller than you, being 5’ 11”, you are 5’ 9”. His hair is sort of styled like his fathers, a swoosh upfront, but since the guy never really brushes his hair, it’s a wild, untamed jungle of black. He’s a little chubby, but it’s nice. It’s something to hold onto...he has on a shirt of some hue of blue every time you see him, causing him to stand out in a crowd. And of course, dark blue jeans to compliment it. He has a small notch in one of his eyebrows, he claims that it was due to a knife fight, but his father says it was due to a cooking incident. But still, it makes him look intriguing as hell. Oh, did you mention he has a smile that could light up a room? Because he does. And Gog, you wanna kiss the shit out of that mouth. 

 

You can see it now...you’re cuddling together on the couch, you curled up, resting your head on his shoulder, and his hand is around you, making you feel so safe. He leans down and gives you a peck on the cheek, laughing as you blush. You laugh with him and then turn your head upwards for something more intimate, and suddenly you’re back on his lap, kissing again...fuck. That’s the dream, right there. You shake your head, what a silly daydream. Stupid lollipop. Making you feel things for your best bro. 


	3. Very Good Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colt babysits.

Your name is COLT STRIDER, and here’s the situation. Josh called you up and presented to you his predicament. He was tasked by your Uncles Dave and Karkat to babysit their kids, but he already had an arrangement made to go see a new and upcoming band that night. You can recall how he phrased it.

 

“Dude, so like, can you cover for me?” He asked, his voice cracking slightly. Even his voice was cute.

 

“Yeah, sure man. Don’t worry about it, I’ve got this.” You replied, with some level of confidence.

 

“Sweet. Thanks again dude, I’m so sorry about this.”

 

“It’s chill, dude. Go enjoy your concert for me.” 

 

“Thanks.”

 

And now you’re flying your way over to your Uncle’s place to meet up with your cousins. It’s been a while since you’ve seen ‘em, and it’d be fun to catch up and hang with them. Unfortunately, they don’t live close. They live in the Troll Kingdom which is on the other side of Earth C. With your flight, it’s about a 20-minute trip, much shorter than the hour and a half long regular car ride. You get there and see Josh nervously messing with his hair and biting his nails. His face lights up when he sees you...you enjoy seeing that big smile of his. You land in front of him.

 

“You’re here! Sweet, thanks. I...I can’t express how thankful I am dude.”

 

“Don’t worry about it...but you owe me a favor.” You say with a sly grin.

 

“That’s totally fair. Alright, bye, dude! Dave and Karkat will be back around 9!” 

 

He floats up and away, off to the Carapace Kingdom for his concert. You walk inside and wave hello to your cousins.

 

“Hey Duke, hey Kaz.” You say.

 

They look up at you, from their seated position on the couch. Duke looks kinda like Dave, but his hair is shorter and more unkempt, sort of like yours. Kazkro’s hair is pitch black and just as messy as his father’s. They appear confused.

 

“COLT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Kazkro says, in his energetic high-pitched voice.

 

“Josh has some uh...stuff he needs to do, so I’ll be babysitting instead.”

 

“BABYSITTING? COLT, PLEASE, WE’RE 10.”

 

“Well, I’m 10. You’re only 9!” Duke says, in his smug trademark Strider tone.

 

“OH PLEASE, YOU’RE ONLY OLDER THAN ME BY A FEW SECONDS.”

 

“But still, I’m older, bro.”

 

You watch as they get into an argument...they do this a lot. You have to break it up. And, you have just the thing.

 

“Hey hey, you two. I have an idea of what we can do.”

 

“AND THAT IS?”

 

“Well, you wanna go play some mini golf?”

 

They look at each other as if consulting about whether or not to agree. They turn back to you and nod.

 

“Alrighty then, let’s get going, dudes.” You pick both of them up, they’re quite lightweight, and you fly them over to the Kiddystation Mini Golf Course in the Carapace Kingdom.

 

The Carapace Kingdom is the spot for fun activities, and it’s clear to see why. Your Unties Roxy and Callie are  _ the _ party animal rulers of Earth C. They help make every attraction there, from the circuses to the renaissance fairs, to even the golf courses. This one is their kid-themed one, which should be perfect and family friendly for these two knuckleheads. You arrive and set them down on the ground. Kazkro and Duke look upset.

 

“Dude...why would you bring us to this lame place?” Duke asks, tugging at your hoodie.

 

“Hey, I’m sure it’ll be fun, guys. Let’s go get our clubs and golf balls.” You say, walking over to the little hut manned by a prospitian. You hand over 20 dollars, and you get a golf club for you, and two for the kids. You grab the gray one for Kazkro, the red one for Duke, and the orange one for you. 

 

“Okay, here’s your stuff guys, let’s get going.”

 

“FINE, WHATEVER.”

 

The three of you play putt-putt. Duke gets a few holes in ones, while Kazkro struggles to get a 3 or a 2. You do pretty decently, getting mostly threes and fours, and one hole in one. All around, it’s a fun time. Kazkro gets upset sometimes, but you and Duke cheer him up pretty easily. You finish the 18th hole, and you return your clubs and balls. Now, to calculate the scores.

 

“SO??? WHO WON?” Kazkro asks eagerly, jumping up and down.

 

“Well, I got a 41...Duke got a 37, and you got...58.”

 

“SO I WIN?”

 

“Uh, no, sorry dude. Duke won. Whoever has the lowest score wins.”

 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHY IS THAT THE RULE? THAT’S A STUPID RULE. DUKE MUST’VE CHEATED.” He said, pointing an accusatory finger at his brother.

 

“Woah dude, I didn’t cheat! I’m just naturally good at this, I guess!” Duke said, shaking his head.

 

“YOU MUST’VE!!!” 

 

As they bicker, you explain that you’re gonna go get them some ice cream. That’s the best part about mini-golf places, the ice cream at the end. You ask the dersite working the stand for 1 creamsicle (for you), and 2 fudgesicles for Duke and Kaz. You thank the employee and turn around. Oh fuck. They’re gone. 

 

You panic. Where the hell could they have gone??? One moment they were here, and now they’re gone...shit. If you lost them, not only will Dave and Karkat murder you, but Josh would too! You throw out the popsicles and float up, hoping to get a better view. Hm...where could they have gone? You don’t see them bugging anyone else, and you don’t see them on the course...but when you float over the building the indoor course is housed in, you hear some familiar snickers. You fly above to the backside and...there they are.

 

They have...spray paint? Where the hell did they get that from?! And they’re tagging the side of the building...they are in big trouble. You lower yourself to the ground and stomp up to them.

 

“Hey.” You say, in a commanding tone. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

“OH, IT’S YOU. WE’RE TAGGING THE SIDE OF THIS BUILDING, DUMBASS.”

 

“Excuse me? I don’t think either of your fathers would be happy to hear this.” You say, unprepared to hear Kaz swear. He says it  _ just _ like Karkat.

 

“Nah dude, it’s chill. Trust me. I mean, both of ‘em swear like, all the time. Where else do you think we got it from?” Duke says, setting his paint down.

 

“I don’t care. We’re going home, and I’m telling your parents.” You say, arms crossed.

 

“OH YEAH? WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS? IF YOU TELL OUR DADS ABOUT THIS, WE’LL TELL JOSH HOW  _ TERRIBLE  _ OF A BABYSITTER YOU ARE, AND HE’LL NEVER TRUST OR LIKE YOU AGAIN!” Kakzro threatened, with confidence.

 

“What?” You say. How did he know you liked him?

 

“IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT YOU LIKE HIM. THAT’S WHY YOU DECIDED TO COVER FOR HIM. AGAIN, I’M NOT AN IDIOT.”

 

“How the fuck did you know?” You say, pissed and annoyed.

 

“We didn’t dude. We were bluffing hardcore, but you played yourself.” Duke explains, smiling.

 

Fuck. 

 

“Fine. I won’t tell them about this, but still, just don’t do this, okay?”

 

“YEAH YEAH, WHATEVER.”

 

“Now, let’s get home, okay?”

 

You bring the two delinquents home, and they explain to you how they got the spray paint in the first place. They just walked into a store and shoplifted it. Again, barely any security on Earth C. You think maybe that should be changed. You bring them home and tuck them into bed, just as Josh arrives. 

 

“Hey man, how was the concert?” You ask.

 

“Dude! It was so awesome. Next time, you’re coming with me.”

 

“Really? Sweet.” You say, hiding your excitement to hang out with him perfectly.

 

“How were Kaz and Duke?”

 

“They were pretty okay, we played mini golf. They like, stole spraypaint and stuff. Did you know about that?”

  
“Uh...yeah? I did? I’m the one who uh, eheh, kinda taught them how to do it.”   
  
“Really dude???”   
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He says, laughing. 

 

“Ugh. Well, you’re welcome.”

 

“Thanks again dude. Lemme know when I can repay the favor!” He says, going inside. You smile. Today you learned some new things, and also you have a favor from Josh.

 

And you know  _ exactly  _ what you’re gonna do with it.


	4. Some Fun Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colt uses his favor.

Your name is COLT STRIDER, and you are currently nervously pacing your room. You hold your phone in your hand, shakily eyeing the number you dialed. It’s Josh’s, and you’ve been staring at it for 10 minutes now. He owes you this, you think. But what if he says no? Your mind is at a war with itself. On one side, is your heart, telling you to just go out with him. The other is your mind, informing you of all the ways it can go wrong. Impulse takes over as you call him up. It rings once. Then twice. You hear Josh’s voice speak, softly.

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Hey, uh, it’s uh, Colt.” You respond, trying so damn hard to hide the shaky nervousness in your tone.

 

“Oh, what’s up man?”

 

“You uh, know how you owe me a favor? I need you to repay it now.”

 

“Sure dude, what do you want me to do?”

 

You linger for a moment.

 

“Will You uh...oh jeez, okay. Here we go. Will you go out with me?” You say, rushing the last sentence out of your mouth quickly.

 

“Dude, I can’t understand what you’re saying...can you repeat that last bit?”

 

Fuck. Of course it didn’t make it across.

 

“Will you go out with me???” You ask once more, the words still difficult to get out.

 

Silence. Your face is bright red. You just messed up, didn’t you?

 

“Sure, dude. Where do you wanna go?” He says, nonchalantly.

 

“O-Oh, uh, why not uh, the uh...ice cream?”

 

He laughs.

 

“Ice cream would sound good. I’ll drop by at 5. See you then, man!” He hangs up.

 

You stand there, dumbfounded. He...you...you’re going on a date with your best friend tonight. Oh my god. Oh my god! Holy shit! You’re going on a date tonight! How do you even do that?! You realize that you’re very unprepared for this...well, the date is in 2 hours...that gives you some time to figure out what to do. You decide to find your Dad and ask him for some advice. You find him sitting at his desk, tinkering with a robotic arm for Jake’s battle bot.

 

“Hey, uh, Dad?” You ask.

 

“Yeah?” He says, spinning his chair around to face you. He’s wearing his stupid little anime shades again, that seems to be a Strider thing, wearing shades. His shirt is stained with oil and grease, and his jeans are as well. His face is freckled, like yours, but there’s more hair on his chin. 

 

“So uh, here’s a hypothetical. Say someone is going on a date but they have no clue what to do oh said date.”

 

“Well, that’s a tricky one.” He says, setting down his tools, fully turning the chair to face you fully. “Hm, well I’d suggest asking around. I’d personally just dive in, over planning can really screw things up.”

 

“Alright, thanks, Dad.”

 

“Anytime, Colt.” He turns back to his work. You have a few other friends to ask about this.

 

You fly over to the high school, even though it’s the middle of summer. You know  _ exactly  _ who’s going to be hanging out there. Making your way over to the bleachers, you spot them hiding out underneath. You walk up and yell, “WHAT’S UP, NERDS?”

 

They jump.

 

“Dick! Didn’t have to scare us like that, you ass.” Vanya says, punching you in the shoulder.

 

“Ow! You didn’t have to punch me!” 

 

“What’s fair is fair.” Vine says, looking up from his melodica. 

 

These two nerds are some of your other friends. Vanya is one of Kanaya and Rose’s kids, and Vine is sort of the local cryptid kid. His sister, Crystal, is nowhere to be seen...that’s either a good or a bad thing. 

 

“Look, doofuses, I need some advice.”

 

“Oh? Advice? For what, may I inquire?” Vanya asks, intrigued. 

 

“For a uh...a, ahem, a date.”

 

The two look at each other surprised.

 

“You? Have a date?” Vine says, smiling.

 

“Yeah, just...don’t act like it’s a surprise. Now, what the hell do I do for a date???” You say, panic intertwined with your voice.

 

“Hm...well, dress nicely. A suit? Or at least a button-up and a tie.” Vanya suggests.

 

“Yeah, or, hm, maybe get some chocolates? Or a flower? Just get him something.” Vine proposes, a wide grin plastered on his face.

 

“Okay...yeah, I think that would work. Thanks guys. I’ll text you later about how it went. Peace.”

 

“Bye, you nerd.” Vanya says, turning back to Vine. He continues to play his weird little melodica. He refers to it as his ‘sick vape rig’, whatever that means.

 

2 hours have passed, and you’re looking over your outfit in the mirror. Your white button-up shirt is wrinkle-less, and the black tie is perfectly put on. Your belt is ensuring your black dress pants are held in place. Your sleek shoes look quite shiny...yeah, you’re ready for this. You wait for Josh outside.

 

A minute passes. Then two. Then three. Where is he? You nervously fidget your hands...was this just a joke? Oh god, what if it was a joke?? Just as you start to head back inside, you hear Josh calling to you. You turn, and see him flying down, quickly. He lands in front of you, his face embarrassed. 

 

“Hey! I’m here! I’m so sorry!!! My dad kept me to do stupid chores and…” he looks down at your outfit. “...wow, you’re really...dressed up. You look amazing.” His face is red...he genuinely means it.

 

“Thanks. You look great too.” His hair is all styled up, but he mainly has just a hoodie and jeans on...he still looks adorable though. “You ready to go?” You ask.

 

“Yeah! Let’s go, you cutie.”

 

You blush.


	5. Caring Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The actual date, for real. Trust me.

Your name is COLT STRIDER, and you are currently on a date with your friend Josh. Or, you’re on your way to the place where the date will happen. A little ice cream parlor in the Carapace Kingdom, to be exact. You have your hand intertwined with his as you both fly there. Butterflies are in your stomach. He’s making some small talk, about mainly some new game console he got. Hopefully, if all goes well tonight, you might be over at his place again to try it out. 

 

The two of you land on the soft grass, outside the parlor. You look to Josh.

 

“So...what are you gonna get?” You ask.

 

He shrugs. “Chocolate?”

 

You laugh as you enter. A cold chill hits you once you’re fully inside, it’s much colder in here than it is outside. Some carapaces, trolls, and other humans are here as well...it seems you got here at rush hour. Josh pulls you up to the counter, where a carapace in a jester-like outfit is manned. They pull out a notepad to record your order. Josh orders first.

 

“Can I get a medium vanilla-chocolate twist?” He asks, as the employee nods. You then step up.

 

“Uh, a small orange sherbert, please.” You ask. The proportion nods, and then moves around the counter area, making your frozen treats. Josh smiles when he gets his in his hand. Yours is in a bowl, just like you wanted. You grab a window seat and begin to chow down. 

 

“Is it good?” Josh asks, a smidge of chocolate above his lip. What a goof.

 

“Yeah. C’mere, you got something on your face.” You say, leaning over the shiny clean table with a napkin. You wipe it off, and stay there for a moment...he’s so damn cute. 

 

“Thanks, man,” Josh says and then goes back to scarfing down his dessert.

 

You laugh as you continue to eat yours. The two of you chat, about school and your weird but sweet parents. Josh pipes up.

 

“Hey, dude, you got something on your face, come here,” Josh says. You lean over the table confused, there  _ shouldn’t  _ be anything there...suddenly, he kisses you! Your face goes bright red. It was a quick peck but...god, he makes your heart do cartwheels.

 

“Haha! Got you, you dork!” Josh laughed, smiling. His face also looks a bit red as well...you sit back down.

 

“I’ll get my revenge, just you wait.” You joke.

 

The two of you finish eating, and Josh pays for the whole thing. What a real gentleman. You two step out of the parlor...it’s near sunset, the sun still just above the horizon line. It’s very romantic...but you hear something...like someone yelling Josh’s name...and it’s getting closer. You look around when suddenly Josh is tackled to the ground.

 

“OH MY GOSH HI JOSH!” The attacker yells, excitedly. You already know who it is.

 

“Hi, Aunt Jade,” Josh says, embarrassed.

 

You wave to her. Jade has always been an energetic person (being raised by a dog will do that to you), and she’s never really been good at reading a room either. She’s still really cool and fun despite that.

 

“Hey, Colt! How’s your father??” She asked, still hugging Josh on the ground.

 

“He’s doing pretty good.” You respond.

 

“Good! He stays cooped up in that apartment so much, I don’t know how he manages! But anyhoo, what are you two up to?” She asked. Josh is awkwardly trying to get out from underneath her.

 

“We were uh...well, aha, we were-“ You begin, but Josh interrupts you.

 

“We were on a date, Jade,” Josh says, rubbing the back of his head...he’s definitely gonna need a shower when he gets home.

 

“Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! Oh, I just ruined your first date, didn’t I? Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” Jade apologizes profusely, immediately getting Josh back up on his feet. “Again, I’m so sorry. Also, you two do make a good couple! Alrighty! I’m out! Peace!” She says, flying away back towards the Human Kingdom.

 

You laugh. Jade’s a sweet woman. Josh grabs your hand again, and you two sit outside the parlor.

 

“Ugh, now my hair is all dirty,” Josh says, picking a leaf and a stick out of his hair. 

 

“Yeah. Take a shower tonight for me, will ya’?” You joke, leaning on him. “Tonight was fun.”

 

“Yeah, it was. When do you wanna do this again?” Josh asks.

 

“Oh, uh, well I wasn’t really, you really wanna go out with me again???” You stammer out. Josh giggles.

 

“Yeah! Of course, I do. You’re sweet, cool, awesome, and pretty cute too. We can figure out when date number two is another time.” He says.

 

“T-Thanks.” You whimper out. Oh my god, Josh is your boyfriend now. You get an idea. “Hey, you got something on your face.”

 

You kiss him, tongue and all, while the sun sets in front of you. A fantastic first date for sure. But, you're not done yet...


	6. Lay All Your Love On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't go wasting your emotions, lay all your love on me.

Your name is COLT STRIDER, and you are currently heading back to your place with your new boyfriend, Josh. Well, you’re not an item officially, but it’s clear you and him are gonna go on more dates later. The sun has set, and the stars are coming out, along with the moon. The two of you climb inside your apartment through the window. It’s strangely romantic.

 

You lead Josh back to your room and sit with him on your bed. Your room is neat and tidy. Sure, there are a few piles of things here and there, but it’s all categorized. A slight breeze flies in through the open window. Your dad’s already asleep, you can hear him snoring from the living room. He needs to actually get up and go to bed. Josh grabs your attention.

 

“Hey...tonight was pretty fun, man.”

 

“Yeah, it was.” You say, recalling the last hour or two well. However, a part of your mind makes you think up something else. Your face slightly tints red, for the third time this night. Josh seems to notice something is up.

 

“You okay man?” He asks, genuine concern in his voice. 

 

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just...thought about something stupid.”

 

“What was it, dude?” He tilts his head.

 

“It was...when we uh, used the juju thing.”

 

“Oh...yeah, that.” Josh rubs the back of his neck. “I can barely recall any of it, it’s all fuzzy. Like, it’s all just colorful blobs, y’know?”

 

“For me, it’s quite clear.” You say, trailing off at the end. 

 

“Hey, if you want we can uh...gog, this sounds stupid. We can try again if you wanna. You don’t have to say yes!” Josh reassures. 

 

You turn to look at him, shocked. Did...does he want to do that again? You think about it. This is the first date, should you? Doesn’t this normally happen on the third or fourth? You can’t just skip from first base to third...or at least you think you can’t. But...why the hell not.

 

“Yeah...that’d be nice actually.” You reply, scooching over to him. He moves his arm around you, pulling you even closer.

 

“So...do you want me to like...just start? Or should I build it up slowly?” He asks.

 

“Hm...slowly? Like, start but keep it slow. You get me?” 

 

“I think I do...what should the safeword be?”   
  
“Hm...crow works.”   
  
“Alright. Prepare to be fucked, Colt.” 

 

He suddenly starts to kiss you, pulling you on top of his lap. You can feel his erection...it only excites you further. The two of you kiss, the moonlight streaming in through your open window. Josh suddenly bites down on your lower lip, gently, but it still causes you to whimper slightly. He pulls away and grins at you.

 

“You’re cute, Colt.”

 

He then puts his hands beneath your shirt, slowly moving them upwards, letting his fingers roam around your chest. It tickles slightly. You bite down on one of your knuckles, this is very overwhelming...but you want this. Josh quickly unbuttons your white dress shirt and moves you onto the bed again, however, this time you’re on your back. He looms over you and moves down to attack your neck with affection. He kisses and bites a bit, leaving marks...you don’t know how you’re going to explain this to everyone else tomorrow.

 

Josh moves downward, his love moving from your neck to your chest, then down above your crotch. He notices your erection in the stiff, black dress pants, and smiles up at you. You look away, embarrassed. He’s shockingly good at this. How did he get so good? Your line of questioning comes to a screeching halt as you let out another whimper. You look back down to Josh, and he’s teasing you through the pants. Fuck.

 

Finally, Josh gets your pants off and lets your member out. He holds it in his hand, delicately, and runs his finger over the slit. Another whimper crawls out of you. You’re putty in his hands. He begins to do what he did before, although this time there’s nothing between his mouth and your dick. He takes it slow, really sending you over the edge. Your legs shake and quiver involuntarily. This feels fantastic. 

 

Josh suddenly stops, and makes a gesture with his hands, silently asking you to flip over. Oh boy. You oblige, saddened by the fact that your member isn’t getting attention anymore, but you’re also nervous about what he’s about to do next. You hear an unzipping of something, and then cry out into your room. He’s got one finger in you, slowly moving it in and out.

 

“You’re doing amazing, Colt.” He says, supportively. 

 

“Hahh...t-thanks..” Is all you can manage to get out.

 

Soon the one finger turns to two, and then three. He then leans over to your ear.

 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

 

“Y-Yeah...just...just stick it in, already.” You say, just wanting it over and done with. Josh nods.

 

Slowly, he moves into you, and you can feel it. It hurts...but not as much as it would’ve if he didn’t ease you up first. The Egbert had pushed all the way in and then began to pull out. It's a weird sensation. He then begins to move in and out, still at a snail’s pace. After a while, it starts to feel pretty good. You find yourself stroking your own member, while Josh holds you as he pistons in and out. 

 

The two of you continue like this for a bit, the moon watching you silently. Josh gradually moves faster and faster, making you cry out in ecstasy. You’re close, and you can assume he is too. He slams in, hard, and you can feel his load pour into you...it’s weirdly hot. You soon follow and ejaculate into your own hand. Josh turns over onto his back, and you flip over as well. You’re a panting shaking mess.

 

“So...how was it?” Josh says, between heavy breaths.

 

“Very...good.” You say, and give him a playful peck on the cheek. He giggles.

 

“You mind if I stay here tonight?” 

 

“Not at all, Josh.”


End file.
